We Will Do A post a day for 365 days.
We will quit our resolution after 3 weeks.
After quitting, we will wonder why we quit and we will realize our lives are not worth posting about on a blog
We will then look at Google analytics and see you stopped by to read. Wait. You are worth it. You reading now. You are why we blog. We feel a connection!
This connection will inspire five more posts, most of them will be pictures taken on our way to work or heading back home. Even though you like that one black and white shot of the girl on the subway taking a bite out of an apple while sitting next to a homeless bum, you will still take us off your RSS feed.
The site will sit unattended for 3 months. Links to porn will pile up in the comments. Someone will leave a comment asking where Pernicious is these days. It will be from someone who runs a blog Pernicious left a comment on, just to exploit a link and market the Sea. We'll laugh about it, but then visit their site and realize how damn good it is, and their writing will inspire us to start posting again. Monkeys will come into it. Pesky fucking critters, really much worse than squirrels. There will be a few music reviews
from bands you have never heard but are promised you will like..just give them a listen. There will be a story about a fat man and a can of tomato soup. The fat man keeps trying to give the can of tomato soup away, but no one wants it. This makes the fat man very sad. So, he throws the can to the ground in frustration and it breaks open. At that moment, the fat man realizes how hungry he is and that he lost his last can of soup. He breaks down crying. It is a sad story. This story will generate more comments and even get linked to by a few more sites and some folks will Stumble Upon it. Afterward we will never match the quality of the fat man and his can of tomato soup.
Most of the next posts will be half ass attempts at humor or social commentary...oh, and there will be some dumb holiday posts. We will both start looking for new jobs after getting fired and will actually send links to the site out as examples of our writing skills and previous work. No one will call. One letter will arrive in a yellow envelope. We will get excited thinking it is a job offer. Instead it will turn out to be a cease and desist from Winona Ryder's lawyers. Being wimps, we will desist and cease. Winona will never thanks us for our compliance but secretly she will keep a copy of the post on her computer because she actually does think it is funny. Regardless, we will stop posting for about a month because we fear legal ramifications.
The entire internet will crash for four weeks. The terrorists will be blamed. But after investigating it will turn out to be Dwayne Farber of Oklahoma City. People will call him a criminal and he will be arrested and prosecuted. No one will believe he just dropped a Biggie Dr. Pepper into his keyboard. Turning to journalism in hopes of reviving the blog we will and the first exclusive interview with Dwayne. We will get five minutes of tape. All he will do during the interview is cry and blubber for his mommy. The video clip will become viral and become the most downloaded clip in history.